7 Sep


So the thought of going to my high school reunion, was not one I was excited about

5 Sep

Fifteen years ago this year, my name was called, and I arose to walk across the stage. I wore a gold cord around my neck signifying my status of Honor Society, and my rank was #11 in a class of a few hundred. As far as books were concerned, I was good.

I’d always dreamed of my high school reunion. I wanted to be there with my king, by my side, and be able to sit prominently proud, with a host of achievements under my belt and gushes of loot in the bank. I’d look amazing, and this look of amazement would be after giving birth, as I’d imagined it. I would feel achieved, accomplished, proud, and so on. Not so.

Thinking about 2010, and all I’d hope to have accomplished by then, so many things ran through my mind. I always knew 2010 would be a year, I wouldn’t soon forget, little did i know what was to come.

This is year has been filled with heart break, unemployment, loss, almost loss, too much reflection, and so on. From the loss of a hopeful new love, to age and life catching up to my dearly cherished parents, to being fired from a job, i could easily not give two shits about, I can honestly say, I’m a glutton when it comes to eating humble pie.

So the thought of going to my high school reunion, was not one I was excited about. I mean, come on, I was just home a few weeks ago, to visit my parents, and check on there state of ok-ness. Whatever. I’m going. I won’t be going in the hot dress I hope to go in. I wont have the gorgeous man, so proud of me, that he’s bragging to everyone about ‘his wife’, when they don’t even know us. I won’t have a banging after baby body to brag about. I won’t have a eponymous fashion line, hugely sought after by thousands who covet an item for there own. I won’t have a huge pad in Manhattan, where I throw lavish parties and kiss everyone on both there cheeks, if not only air kisses.

I’ll have to delay paying for my ticket, because the ticket price is kind of steep for me these days. I may to wear a dress from a previous night out in Manhattan. nothing at all fancy or as fancy as I want. I may have to do my own hair because I can’t afford to get my hair done, and I’m facing a transition of relaxed to natural. I won’t have a fancy pair of Guiseppe Zanotti’s to wear, maybe a pair of Jessica Simpson‘s. And no, no man in sight, no man even knows I’m at my reunion, no man to even ask if he even wants to maybe be my date. None.

I tell myself to ‘man up’, pull something together and I go, and not to try and sell a facade, but to make myself feel better, that maybe I’m not in as bad a place as I think.

I pull my nickels and dimes together, and I make it work, as us women do. I go and buy a new dress, $39. I persuade the spanish speaking salon owners that I only need a wash and set, and no, my hair is not that bad, just straighten my roots, it’ll be fine. I find shoes on sale, and I buy those as well. I pull it together, and I look as good as I hoped for, and no, I don’t feel fake or phony, or that I’m selling a lie.

I end up having a great time. I don’t feel above or beyond anyone else, instead I feel like everyone else, on some sort of journey toward where they want there lives to be, and it feels great. I marvel at the marrieds, and I find myself in awe of the marrieds who went to school together first, and found love after. I grin at those who are there same old selves, full of fun and laughter. I cringe at those who still think of themselves in there seventeen year old cool world, where only they exist. Ultimately, I’m just happy to be here.

I don’t stay for all the weekends’ activities, because I want to enjoy the life I’ve created in New York City, this Labor Day weekend. I want to revel in all that I’ve been through, how I’ve grown, lost, and look forward to what’s to come.

fno bk

2 Sep

i am loosely, and i do mean loosely plotting my FNO. its one night i want photograph, write about, maybe shop, and everything else, but brooklyn. i’m not sure, but heres a shout out.

8/28 – me versus the sunset

2 Sep

so, i was right by not being juicy 7 years ago?

2 Sep

so, in 2003, i was hired as head designer for a clothing line, who wanted to be Juicy Couture. i didn’t get it, and thought it was cheesy and a whole lot corny, but nevertheless, i did what i was  told. i often contemplated what adult would wear badly fitting, not very soft  terry cloth to lounge around in. terry cloth which retailed at $90 for the bottoms and another $90 for the jacket. juicy added tees, dresses, denim, accessories, and pet crap, for all the mini paris hiltons. i just still never got it. that line went under, and i see so has juicy .


28 Aug

dear knowles sister:

27 Aug

you are the bomb!!!!!! (thats all)